Sunday, September 24, 2006
失去无法挽回
在童话的世界成长，活在梦幻的理想。。。这一切不一定是假的。（其实，很多人都在做梦，想去梦乐园。遇到不止一个人，而是大批无法接受事实，拼命逃脱的人类。脱胎换骨后，还是一模一样。不会停下脚步，看周围。自己所存在的地方，是通往后了园的路。。。）展开双翅，飞到自己的童话去。白马王子、幸福之城，很多都在等着你。Fairyland In Reality...难道，不相信它吗？
曾经有个人，和情人相亲相爱。日子应该过得好些，维持这份美满的感情。在那短短的日子里，所承受的压力并不多，顶多是因为工作罢了。他相信日子会长久，还是乐观看下去。她支持他的做法，每天陪伴他。也许。。。工作能力好，让他时时无法离开座位。她明白，静静的守护着。第三个圣诞节时，他第一次忘了回家庆祝。她原谅他，明白是为了这家庭。第二年，同样事情发生。他开始忘了回家，整天待在公司里。终于。。。
“你是谁？”他以疲惫的眼神望着她。她愣住，坚持苦笑。
“是我。。。你爱的那个人。”委屈的笑容顿时化解成痛苦的悲感。
他没有开口，只是再度爱上她。她愿意守候，愿意原谅他。当他第235次忘记她时，她哭了。男的不知所措，低下头递给她一张手帕。然后，他肃起身，勉强笑着对她说，“下次，如果我忘了你，请你不要回答。我不想。。。再度伤害你。”
日子继续象水一般流着。情人节那天，她双手交叉，向公司里的他打招呼。他嘴唇翘起，给了她一丝的希望。当他走出时，她立刻抬起头，寻找那熟悉的眼神。
“你是。。。？”英俊潇洒的他，在情人节第236次忘了她。
“。。。一个永远包含希望，却一直受到打击的笨女人。。。”她哭着，离开他。
在浪漫的情节里，他望着她离去的背影，心感到酸。
对不起，不应该。。。再连累你。白色情人节当天，他收到了一个环表。上面刻着的名字，使他不禁叹气。他辞掉工作，整天待在家里。或许。。。这就是代价吧。
－－－
度过了一个寒冷的冬天。他从没踏出木屋，一直躲着不肯接受事实。或许，对他而言，世界已经没有什么值得的了。一次的打击，深深的伤害了他心。并不是他从没失恋，但这一次，和其他次不一样。这一次，他不会再在街头上遇见她，不会和她度过寂寞的夜晚，不会与她分担。她曾是他的恋人，更是他的知己。但一切都无法挽回。。。两人都明白那是无法避免的。
当春天第一个幼苗从那雪地探出头，他决定从新面对世界。必定一年也过去了，时间本来就应该弥补伤口。他一出去，就发现了“那个”。世上稀奇古怪的东西他一直以为自己见过了，但春天的到来，新的生活，新的一天，再次发生奇迹事件。眼前的“那个”，并不像人也不像动物。他不知所措，转身走进屋子里。
果然，命运在嘲笑他。
第二天，他再次离开木屋，寻找迷失的方向。“那个”还存在，只是稍微枯萎了。并不是植物的“那个”顿时引起了他的注意。他蹲下身，仔细观察“那个”。它并不和她有任何相关脸相，但微弱的“那个”让他开始振作起来。也许因为它，这个命运的笑话，他就能受到解脱。也许因为它，他会愿意放弃那悲观的想法。也许因为它，他能从新出现在繁忙的都市里。
他小心翼翼地捡起“那个”，并把它放置在屋子窗下。晒到太阳的它立刻恢复状况，微微地露出笑脸。
懒惰写啦！！
Sky sense hope at 9/24/2006 05:37:00 PM
Saturday, September 23, 2006
Wasteful morning
... Nothing much. Just come drawings... and I'm exploring new style...
Sky sense hope at 9/23/2006 02:41:00 PM
Friday, September 22, 2006
Ignore this post
常想着自己是否存在的原因真是自己想象的，还是是谎言，属于自骗性的幻想。当然，这个看法可能代表悲观的想法。凄凉的感觉还未散开，就被保守着。难道没有人会发觉吗？曾经帮过许多人找回自信，理想和欢乐，自己却不愿踏出所建的玻璃房。只要锤头敲碎玻璃，那我也不在需要躲避过去。可是，找到玻璃房的路口，除了须找藏在内心的钥匙，还得找那门，沿着漫长的道路抵达终点。其实，也许路途遥远，不肯让大家尝试这艰难的测验。不是多心，而是怕未来。躲避了过去，还要想未来。所以... 虽然以前勇于尝试，但也该退一步。反正“退一步海过天空”，自己都已经是天空了，哪怕海水冲过自己。
也想过，没有人理解自己，因为大家都住与不同楼层。不愿相处，却遭别人侵犯难得的安宁。是自己的错吗？当初如果不和大家沟通，现在的自己就不会落入这地步... 发现到是那件事害我变，不再开朗，反而变得沉默。我知道社会的真面目，以及人类的不同面貌。自己毕竟也是人，脸上的笑容几时虚假，都认得出。最好笑的是，大家都关心别人，却不懂得最需要关心的时间是每一时。很庆兴自己有一位告密友。或许... 她真的明白我吧... 或许那寒冷的冬天某日离开我这阴影。
Sky sense hope at 9/22/2006 10:44:00 PM
Sunday, September 17, 2006
New skin~
Hmm... Got tired of the old skin. And so, I made a new one. Oh well... At least this doesn't look too depressive. Credits to Deviantart for the images and two other sites for the brushes. Oh! and my friend for the comments on how to improve it. Thanks to these websties/person, I've finished this skin... and place my name in it of course.
MisjudgementSomehow or other, humans tend to judge people. Even if its a simle gesture, they tend to base their impression of the person on that one action. Its' amazing how we all live in this type of society. Of course, overtime, we all learn to judge people ourselves. Despite reminding ourselves that it is a bad habit, we never tend to get rid of this natural instinct. From the simple judgement, anything can evolve. Hatred, admiration, love... all emotions rise from our views. So I don't really blame people from judging others and end up getting upset. However, there is a difference between judging people by the handful and the real people's personality. Its quite sad when you judge everyone from a single person, or by a hanful. Even more upsetting if you declare everybody to be the same. Worse still if you declared everybody to be what you perceived them to be, when in fact, everything is lies. Bush suspected Iraq to have nuclear bombs... but were they true? Nope. In fact, Iraq is now in chaos thanks to Bush. We all know the feelings of Americans towards Bush and therefore, would know the feelings of ourselves when people blame us to be of a certain category. Understandably, one might be joking. In this case, we would all know and understand. However, if, by chance, what you said does reflect what you mean, the emotions thereafter cannot be controlled. The same with thoughts. When one anger leads to another, everybody turns out to be angry. Hopefully, nothing would rise from this issue.
TrustMutual trust is important in any relationship, even if its not one of closeness. In work, you trust your colleagues to handle the work you gave to them. If the basics has not been set, then nothing would have worked out. And yet, trust is not easy to gain. It makes sense why people will stare at some Ah Bengs and Ah Lians suspiciously as if they are the root of all troubles. Truth is, they are not. Even your average smart-looking businessman may betray and shatter the trust you built up. What would make things worse is the environment is safe yet the people within isn't safe. Anything can happen within a split second... and shatter everything. And to those who knows what I'm talking about...
Right... now I feel much better with all these stuff down. I really like my new blogskin... though I kind of hate the flame there. Still, it does bring out what I want to say. That's it. Ciao~ people...
Sky sense hope at 9/17/2006 06:39:00 PM
Monday, September 04, 2006
Random post
[EDIT]
Right, shall update later, now i'm doing this so I remember my homework...
Courtesty from Audd's blog (and I added a few):
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send yilunwen to two people for commenting. (But I haven't gotten both back...)
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comment yilunwen for people who sent theirs to you-
prepare for chinese oral. (its only 1.41 min…)-
yilunwen analyzing. (FenXi worksheet... The one laoshi went through)- geog holiday reading and table-drawing. (doing it)
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english reading "the coffin is too big for the hole"-
maths probability worksheet.-
4 physics worksheets.-
English Oral PreparationWhich reminds me that I have 7 more days (including today) to go. I am so not relaxing... Hmm... Laters then.. when I have the computer fully to myself. And now, on to my reading on Truth, my terrible and dark oral piece.
---
I'm still stuck with Geog. Which is my first homework actually. So I'm still procrastinating but it doesn't seem to matter. Tomorrow, I'll have to revise under the watchful eyes of both parents. Its called doom for me, but I suppose, if I can live through 8 years of semi-depression like status, then about 5 days of doom would mean nothing. I'm still stuck in a random mood even after yesterday. No updates about my life unless you count my sore throat. I can't really talk and its like my throats flaming. No one's helping by curbing my boredom. So I shall go on to random stuff now. Please do not applaud or wish me to stop dragging my intro on...
Randomness Quotations [2G special version] (and the thing doesn't make sense)
Disclaimer: You may take copy and paste this R.Q into your blog. Credit me if you wish. I will hold no legal actions against you if you intend to drop my name from the credits. If I wish to be credited, I will state so. But such random things are best not to be related to me. Also, please do NOT copy the answers or say something like "I agree with XXX about XXX". Have your own opinions. And a good laugh.1. Cara reminds you of... Hmm... Like I said before, some person who totally isn't Anti-B and has made an effort to keep calling me a Dark and Tortured Soul. Also to the point of those wonderful eyes. You totally are suited to be a model.
2. If LiTing has one disability, you hope it will be... eh? To be blind would be too bad to her since Rover would need to learn how to be a guide dog like Quill. To be deaf would means she wouldn't be able to those gossips about Nic. To be dumb would mean she wouldn't be able to share those gossips personally. To be disabled would mean she would stop teasing and poking people and collide into people when the class is having P.E lessons (which is a good point, moving on~) To have brittle bones would mean endless work for us and we have to be her personal attendant and she wouldn't be able to dance! Weighing all the pros and cons, I would safely conclude that... umm... she should fracture an arm that would heal within a few months!
3. The best present for Nicole is... A pot of Hunny! And it must be blue or brown, with honey dripping out. Also, it must be big enough to fit her head. Oh yes, she must also have a Red singlet that says PooH. That will be the perfect killer combination.
4. Natalie will do well in... Physical educations! She runs fast, jumps high, umm... was a netballer and now a cheerleader! I'm not meaning she won't do well in any other subjects but I think she'll totally excel in Physical Education!
5. Jaime should be called Jaime and not Jamie because... (what kind of weird question is this... I came up with it?!) Jaime is Jaime. and of course, if its not Jaime, then there wouldn't be Jae and there wouldn't be this perfect seating partner who can stand Lorry, YL and me actually. I mean it... if there's no Jaime but a Jamie, the world would be different!
6. The cookie jar was stolen by Sandra because... (I give up...) she likes cookies! and apparently chocolates and ice cream and FMA and Gundam Seed and Naruto. And Netball. But overall, I think its because the cookies were tempting her and she couldn't resist the urge to reach out for the cookies in the jar. However, since the cookie jar is too small, she got her hand in the cookie jar and had to take the whole jar with her.
7. You are a judge in a housemaking competition and Sarah appears. You would... (ARGHHH) disqualified her from the competition straight away because she is Underage. Furthermore, this is housemaking, not be a responsible trasurer/class chairman/xiao cai/ "Mum". Therefore, she is OUT of the competition. Oh, and I'll make sure I hide my face.
8. Soprano Singer Claire just stepped out on to the stage, you would... Pinch myself and see whether I'm awake. Firstly, cause I'm the one coming up with these random questions. Secondly, Claire wouldn't be a Soprano singer would she? She'll be some pop star! and Sann will be her guitarist... okay. Maybe that's a wild imagination but anything can happen, right?
9. If Eunice has one wish, she would... wish for World Peace. That's what I thought of when I thought of Eunice. (And I'm only at 9?! 15 more people to go... wow) So maybe Eunice might wish that she would get a nice and cute guy other than Stanford but that's not my expertise. That's number 2 expertise...
10. If you had a chance, Yiling would become your... friend and seating partner and class chairman and class dancer etc. Basically, everything ought to remain the same as it is. Because its so funny for her to be seating right in front of me. I get to see -cough- lousy -cough- acting for free and she get ehh... umm... lorry to talk to cause lorry prefers talking to her rather than me. I'm such a nice seating partner! [and yes.. finally, after the umpteenth time, those three did influenced me to become a bit egoistic.]
11. How would you date JiaNi if you're a guy... Actually, this was supposed to be for Nicole since she's the hot favourtie but JiaNi is the second in line... so she gets the honour. Seriously, how am I suppose to answer this question I pose myself? Hmm... Give her a chance to act on TV and then win her a contract to be a comedian. Then she'll definitely be indebted to me!
12. If Julia is stranded on an island, she would... Swim to another island to ask for help. Hey, what do you expect? She IS a swimmer. Plus the fact that she would never be stuck on a lone island makes this question even more random. But I suppose its my job. Coming up with thrash is easy. Substance is hard. Okay... so maybe she would try and look for other ways of help but I still think swimming is the best option.
13. Maxine decided to give you hundred bucks, you are thinking... that she is so generous and kind but so not crazy because that's what Max is! She's bound to be full of surprise. Oh, and I'll probably start thinking this might be a ploy and there's a catch, not because she is a cunning and sly person, but because I've been tricked by Nic and many more before... -glares- So anyway, I'll also start thinking what to spend this on... Hmm.. but most probably I'll stare at her and ask her to give me $XXX more.
14. The HSM craze was due to Cheryl because... honestly, I don't know. I don't even watch/listen to HSM so I wouldn't know why there is a craze. Oh, but most probably its cause she bursts into singing every now and then. And then there's the Mango to help her. Shu the yummy mango boost this... craze. Mental note: Keep both of them apart
15. If Avril suddenly become hardworking, you would... think you are in the Matrix and doubt all things happening around you. Of course, if Av is working hard on a blogskin, that would not be surprising. Its expected if it is of her interest.. but studying? I'm... surprised.
16. Hamster expert Jacqueline decides to start a fur styling shop for hamsters. Your reaction is... how did I come up with this question again. I thank myself that I am sane only my mind is not. Actually... I didn't know hamsters fur were long enough to be styled. Also, Jac would not become a hamster expert. Never ever!
17. If Shu Hui is to be transported to another era, it would be... (ehh... I'm finishing! YES) This question is hard... I have two options. According to Nic, Cheryl and Li, Shu is dinosaur face so the dinosaur era would be quite suited. However, with my partner in crime a.k.a Quedrako a.k.a Cara, we agree that she ought to belong to the RETRO period. And she personally agree with it anyway. I'm touched. Finally a person agree with something I said.
18. Melissa suddenly wear a gothic looking costume borrowed from Cara. You would think... 1. How did she fit into that? 2. Am I dreaming? 3. I didn't see that. 4. That... is goth... right? 5. I didn't know... that such things... exist. 6. That's HER? 7. AHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Etc...
19. The worst way to subdue Ee Leng if she is a criminal is by using... Laughing Gas! (Yes I know... it looks as if I've already planned the question for the answer...) But anyway, she's too used to laughing to be affected by laughing gas. Besides, I think the appearance of her cousin would stun her because... he is the cop!
20. Princess Audd descends from a pink ballroom. If you are allowed to add one accessory, you would... add a tiara with 18 carat diamonds all embedded in it. It'll be worthless because... umm... The diamonds are... worthless. As in worthless. Well, okay, enough joke with it. I mean, really, a nice tiara would suit her. And crown her as a princess unlike Shu's hair crown.
21. Emily the Super-hero Skater has you as a sidekick because... Okay, I confess... because I'm finally reaching the end of this randomness, I decide to be even more random. Pardon me. I think I'll be a sidekick because... I can only be a sidekick. I seriously don't know how to fight and unless looks can kill, I'll kill them with my death glare. Other than that, I'm as helpless as Cyclops who cannot shoot his lasers from his eyes.
22. If Lauren is a DJ, her success rate would be... 0.000000001%. And you know why? Cause she's bound to oversleep and overplay and spend too much time interviewing Junyang and Zhiyang. And the other stars like 183 club. So she'll make a bad DJ. But she'll make an okay seating partner. Of course, half of the time you're expected to help her answer questions and deal with her zombie face.
23. Other than the dark image, Jing Ning deserves... (I'm not answering this... and I'm not bias in making this question. Hey, you can say, I deserve.. a slap. I don't mind. Just be honest)
24. YiTing excels in Chinese caligraphy. Your shock rate is... 99%. Its not 100% because anything can happen. But I wouldn't think YiTing would give up anything to do Chinese caligraphy. Seriously, Yiting and Chinese culture stuff does not match.
And We have come to the end of the Randomness Quotations. Thank you for spending your time reading through all those random sentences. Have any feedback if you wish. But don't spam my board.
Yay, I finished that. -grins- I wasted about 2 hours doing this. Congratulations to me for wasting precious time. But I don't care. I need to relax. And finish my Geog. Maybe tomorrow... tomorrow... Ciao~
Sky sense hope at 9/04/2006 01:01:00 PM
Friday, September 01, 2006
Depressive Thursday
The title says it all... Well, it was teachers' day celebration. And its supposed to be a hit with the four interesting themes as dresscode. Then again, aloha for hawaii doesn't mean you have to wear grass skirt (or plastic since its easier to buy those plastic), pirates does not mean you must have an eyepatch on your face even if real pirates have them along with scars on their face (yet i didn't see anyone with scars...), retro does not mean you have to wear polka dots and hang large beady accessories on your neck (though there were the occasional people like Sann who, by accident, dresses as a retro) and finally, my class theme, futuristic does not mean you have to use aluminium foil. Okay, I typed all that in one breath. I'm seriously amazed at the fact that futuristic would mean, 1) Outer space (I mean Darth Vadar and his white life support system) 2) Aliens with those weird antennaes 3) Silver foil. Then... there's the point in our class where almost all of us wore black shirts with jeans. The future... Who says we can't wear black shirts for the future anyway.
So the dresscode fully explained, I shall move on to the fact that the celebration concert was not really a concert. I mean, videos aren't really part of concerts are they? Although I must admit, Lorry did do a good job on it. (And Laoshi actually spared us... This is like a miracle!) Then there were those dances and... random interviews and best dress contest. Its supposed to be Teachers' Day but I think the teachers brought themselves more joy than we brought them. I mean, the way they were enjoying themselves in our school uniform was... amazing. (My vocab chose to fail me. I apologise for its sake) Anyway, MG is supposed to be a girl school. I mean it IS a girls school but we ended up with two extra... opposite sex students yesterday. Funny, I didn't think there would be male teachers daring to wear the uniform but there are! And I guess anyone blogging about Teachers' Day would mention them...
Right, so after hanging in the classroom for recess and acting as random camerawoman, I went to primary school with Audd. Man, those moments as camerawoman were frightening. At least there were no suggestive poses like Cheryl's... (Okay, no offence) So we had the Charlie's Angels pose, the SupermanAv pose, and umm... actually, a lot more but I can't remember much. Moving away from that, I waited a whole 25 minutes just to get the dreaded bus to come. And all because of the rain. As expected, the school compound (or rather, outside the school compound) was crowded and packed to the... first floor of the void deck. You get to see an arry of colours, from purple to black to yellow to red. Well, I met up with Geel, P, Min and Shang and then... kind of escaped from the crowd to get to a more spacious area where I saw... Xian and the NY girls. I got a earache just cause I went there. And I haven't been growing... since Xian is almost a tall as me. Hmm... Well, hanged around and talk to them but kinda like ran out of topics to talk since I'm never that close to them. Oh well... the SC girls finally arrived where I was... umm... hugged, or bear-hugged. Doesn't matter. We got to crash the gate and stream into the school finally. Then we met with Mr ong and escaped.
That probably should end my uneventful Teachers' Day. I shall skip my Dad's hmm... disastrous small birthday ceremony. I broke his candle. And I supposed that should signal something... I'm kind of surprised I managed to stay up late/early whatever you wish to call it. Slept at 4 and woke at 8. Nice 4 hours of sleep... But I was thinking all night... I have lived 14 years and umm... smiled and frowned (although I'm sticking to impassive face which people think is "black") and know friends even more than half my lifetime. Which isn't long since I'm young but that's not the point. I guess, as each year passes, we do mature a bit and change our opinions on certain things. That's why, when I went back to pri school, everyone seems distant. I can't even say I saw my good friends since there is this large... barrier in between us. I don't understand them, don't know them, don't know how much they changed. And yea, I've let go I supposed. Its always been like this to me. No matter how close I want a person to be with me, they never will. And I learn that at a young age. Real young which is why I think I'm this... dark person now. The past affects everything and its always too late to change the past. Sure, you can change the present but... it doesn't mean you'll change what you had once been.
I was stunned when I read Shu's reply to my tag or whatever. Am I really that heartless that I'm incapable of love? Sure, I show a lack of emotion and don't smile much. But who made me that way... I'm not blaming anyone. More like myself. Kind of like, got tired with stuff happening around me. The DISC report says I'm afraid of security loss. That may be true... But then, if you don't have security in the first place, how do you lose it? I've been pretty much hanging by myself. Even if there is a person I would count as my really really good friend, that doesn't mean I'm her real best friend too. And yes, I don't care whether I'm sounding childish or what. I'm in a mood to just talk about my feelings. Yesterday was painful for me... normally, primary school is supposed to be nostalgic but for me, its the opposite. I see so many familiar faces in one day that I am in a loss. And I see those friends who I had once been close too, drifted far away from me. We do acknowledged each others' presence but its like, "Hi, I know you." And then they'll smile that... forced smile and walked away. Its kinda sad that things have to end up this way. So I learnt to let them go. When I graduated, there was not one person that had been real close to me or as close as I would like them to be. I was this hmm... pre-teen that hops from cliques to cliques and I can even stick to the guys. I supposed its kinda weird that I'm that carefree but not so now. Even in Sec school now, I find none that I have comfort with. Maybe... those few people. But I'm eventually going to lose them too. Ever since the first person drifted away, and my countless attempts to find a confidant, I lost them all the time. I'm not giving up my search but it does get tiring. I confess, I do end up being miserable all the time which is why there's always this dark look on my face. But let's face it, if you bottle up your feelings, it'll be set this way. I'm just glad that for now, I have this thin connection with one person whom I deemed close. Yet it can break anytime still. Hmm... I'm losing those I'm comfortable with in Sec school. Its kinda sad but since I've lived through it for more than 8 years, I think I can live with it...
5 Fingers I owe:
1. When you think of LAUREN, which feature instantly comes to mind?
Actually, I'll probably start thinking of JY since she's obsessed with him. On the other hand, I'm supposed to think of a feature of her... Hmm... Dunno leh, her specs. I think its like, she'll look weird without her spectacles. And and, her trademark hand actions. Its like... since I'm always sitting next to her, observe her hand actions everytime she tells, "NOoo!" That look on the face is also trademark.
2. If you could pick a theme song for LAUREN, what would it be?
Dang.. Lemme see... Is there a song called Bu Zhi Suo Cuo? Cause it matches her... On the other hand, I keep thinking of Di er Tian Tang. its... suits...
3. What random object would remind you of LAUREN?
An 183 club picture. Its obvious. Or ummm... Her obsession with laoshi's love for pigs.
4. What do you expect LAUREN to be doing ten years from now?
NOTHING!! Okay la, maybe DJ like she wants but most probably, acting as some dead person in class.
5. If you could give LAUREN an award, what would it be?
best-annoying-dictatorial-seating-partner-cum-chinese-popsongs-informant Award. *takes a deep breath* man, that is long. But she deserves it. For annoying me for those hmm... 8 months... It shall continue I believe. I hope I can make it...
Sky sense hope at 9/01/2006 05:04:00 PM
... Nothing much. Just come drawings... and I'm exploring new style...